This morning, she sat herself down and wrote a list of pros and cons to spending a gap year at her hometown. It was something she took seriously, because it was a big change. She thought about the pros -- like spending time with her ageing grandparents, or watching her little brother grow -- and she smiled. It was something she'd like very much. Apart from getting a peace of mind and being able to live freely, she would get to do all those things she missed out on in her ten years spent away from her home away from home.
Perhaps out of her self-centredness, or the sickly feeling of stifledness permeating her, she felt hope for the first time in a long time. This could definitely be possibility.
And it certainly seemed like so when she talked about it with her mum, who had no objections at all.
But when she brought it up with her granddad, he didn't seem so keen. He was worried for his daughter, her mother's, safety, if she was to leave. Her mum would be all on her own, and if anything happened (God forbid), no one would know. She understood that, for she had thought about it too. But perhaps it was her self-centredness, or that sickly feeling she could take no longer, she wished it wasn't the case. It seemed, that she would have to make the ultimate sacrifice of sacrificing herself, her freedom, her happiness for... something that, yes, made perfect sense.
What was perhaps worse was being welcomed into her grandaunt's office, and being consoled. Her grandaunt was giving her tips and solutions on how to deal with her father, telling her to not let him bog her down... when it wasn't that easy. She knew she meant well, but at the end, none of it would help. He is the way he is, and anything outside his way of being would not make sense to him.
She felt stuck, again, unable to escape, unable to be the person she wants to be. And she hated it so very much. Of course, she was taking the easy way out in heading back to KK for a year... so she really wasn't in position to be so hateful. But why couldn't she? Why couldn't she have something easy for once? Alas, that was that, and it will remain that way, it seemed, for a very long time.
IMAGE CREDIT
